No Quote

It is so strange... to have important people in your life.. suddenly vanish.

Whether from a clash or from an unfortunate event.. you begin to genuinely miss them no matter the reason because it was that person you used to talk to every day.. and now they are just gone.

It makes me a little sentimental, I don't remember being this way.. well I haven't since I broke my first love's heart. And now here I am, knowing my purpose in life but always battling, fighting, never truly winning, but helping to fight toward victory nonetheless.

Having it only been a few turns, or maybe even an entire week without talking to Dabria has made me realize that I used to reach out to her a lot, and now she's lost her mind and there's nothing any of us could do about it, or at least it feels that way... when the person who's been helping the most is in need of help there's nobody out there to help them.. sheesh.. that sucks.

Kenji can't speak because of a curse, Dabria's lost every one of her marbles, what's next? I don't wanna think about it... and so I continue to throw myself into battles, not knowing if I'm doing any damage at all, it is because of the gods I am even still alive right now.. sore... but living. Will you continue to throw yourself into battle? Yes, anything to protect the lands. "You win some you lose some", it's true.. and thus, what will be, will be.

Que sera-sera.

Quote: "We all have a past. We don't all use it to excuse the present. Most choose to learn from it and move on" -- Dabria F.

She's right... but what I've learned this turn itself is that not all of us are able to...

While some others are strong enough to live and move on, others are stuck, trapped, unable to pass to the next level that would lead to success because they simply can't.. they simply choose not to. I was once this person, who was unable to pass the bounds and shackles of life, stuck in banditry and unable to move passed it. That old lifestyle haunted me, I wasn't able to escape the boundaries and boulders, the wall that was placed before me.. but not because I didn't want to, it was because I didn't know how to. Life through me in for a loop, when I finally escaped that lifestyle, running and running for my life, because if I were captured then I knew that would be the end of me. Becoming an adventurer here in Valorn has taught me to face so many battles that I never thought I could ever win, not even because of the real fights acquired, but the faces, the smiles, laughter.. the people were who saved me. I am forever grateful in the presence of many friends I've made.. and some I've lost.

Valorn is full of all sorts of personalities, I didn't always obtain friends.. it wasn't exactly enemies either, but I've hurt people just as much as people have hurt me. Saying "sorry" doesn't immediately heal wounds, but it's a start. No matter how many times I've expressed that I didn't mean to, or that it wasn't my intention, none of those words matter because they are repeated. It is actions that speak louder, and actions will ALWAYS speak louder.

"But the pain doesn't lessen. It is a wound that festers and never heals, you you...unfortunately are just a reminder of it now."

I've.. never been someone's pain before, honestly, I feel that it's the first thing someone's ever said this to me in my life. When someone tells you that, how do you respond? I've been trying to figure it out, but I almost feel like I've lost a friend, I probably did... I don't know. Change only happens when a person chooses to do so, and if they choose not to then they will be stuck in an endless and repeated cycle of pain and torture, this abuse is inflicted on themselves.. it's sad to witness.. someone crumble themself so far down that they attack the only person willing to help them overcome it; that they see this person as "pain".

I never planned to be someone's pain, I've only ever wanted to express and show to others the opposite of what I had to experience almost my entire life, pain. So I guess I am that now.. how does this feel Loki? you may ask, or maybe I'm asking myself.. well it feels; like nothing. I am no one's pain, I refuse to be. I will never be. We say silly things when emotional, but I know that pain is temporary. I can't express it to everyone but I am aware of myself and know exactly who I am, and the answer is YES I like the person I've become.

I hope that someday everyone overcomes their fears and these growing pains in life to move to the next level! This is something I'll work hard toward, and with this thought process in mind, I know that I will succeed.

The shadows are guiding me. ~ I walk in the footsteps of grand leaders, and take every step while collecting knowledge, increasing my intellect.

I can't believe I found my original journal! And after all these times.. I knew it was somewhere.

So what did I do? Rip the pages out of the new one and threw it in the old! This one was my favorite anyways.